Zombie Apocalypse and the Social Networking

“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth. And people will still be tweeting”

Last week was hectic with work and million other things. So to make it lighter I thought of writing something whacky. And what do you know, I dreamt about Zombie and Twitter last night. So this is a homage to my favorite genre of all time mixed with least favorite technological tool of all time.

I am not a sociopath [far from it] but I always think what possibly could be the best use of social networking tools. Emergency response is the first thing that comes to mind.

So here is my take on the etiquettes of social networking when one fine day Zombie plans to take over our world.

[One small assumption here that some bots will still be running the data centers of these sites]

1. Linked In

Linked In is usually an underdog when it comes to social networking. However when Zombies are on role Linked In has a potential to be the next big thing. How? Linked In as we know is a social networking for professionals (or pseudo-professionals). Most likely we may not need search engineers or Oracle DBA but there will be requirement for jobs such as:

• Zombie executioner with 10 years experience in torturing people (managers and CEO’s have very good chance)

OR

• Professional executioner with extensive experience in concentration camps

OR

• Execution intern looking for a promising career in the next big industry

So if you are really serious about making moola then keep yourself on edge. Learn new skills. Start with becoming a manager. And remember “Keeping your Linked In profile updated is the best thing you can do to your career.”

2. Facebook

Facebook will bloom. Seriously. Not that it is doing bad right now. Third party developers can design apps which can train you how to avoid contact or even kill Zombies.

One Important thing is it might be cool to upload your pics with Zombies and your friends will send you hundreds of greeting message but you need to be cautious. Next thing you know people might start running towards you with a chainsaw and a boomstick.

3. Youtube

Youtube is not really social networking per se but let’s count it anyway.

Google will need to ramp up seriously. Youtube will be overrun by videos of people singing songs of Lady Gaga with a zombie that look’s like Lady Gaga or Marilyn Manson. There will be videos of people trying to have sex with Zombies. Occasionally you will find videos of funny pets trying to dry hump Zombies while the whole family is laughing out loud. It may not look as funny as it sounds. But hey Youtube is your tube show what you want [Not that it is any different now].

I am very sure Google will remove all kinds of age restrictions from Youtube by then.

4. Twitter

Here comes the mother of all Social networking. I am very sure Ashton Kutcher will still be raving out Demi Moore even if she is a Zombie by then. But even if she is a Zombie she’ll be heck of a Zombie.

If you go to the top of my post you’ll remember that I mentioned Social Networking is the only thing which can keep us alive and Twitter account in my opinion is the most valuable asset you can have. You can post your status update if you are cornered by flesh eating f**kers. You never know there may be a friend nearby.

I think white house will make Twitter as an official channel of communication. Oxford dictionary will make tweet an official English language word as well. So start following people on Twitter and do yourself favor and save your account names. Believe me this is the first thing that’ll go when apocalypse hits us.

5. Orkut, hi5 and the million others

If you are in India or Brazil then only you’ll need Orkut. But for us living in the US we probably won’t even know what you guys do. Although even today we still don’t know what you guys do. So time for a switch-a-roo guys. Migrate from Orkut, hi5 to Facebook or Twitter for that matter. If you are an immigrant last thing you want is people not able to find you because you are using Orkut.

hi5 guys. Don’t even bother updating your status because most of your email/updates will go to our spam.

 

George Romero if you liked the approach consider making a movie on this. Believe me it’ll be a cautionary tale and yet educational at the same time. You can even get in touch with David Fincher for all the social networking research he has done for his next film (a very creative title Social Network).

So that’s it guys. Prepare for the Armageddon and don’t say I didn’t educate you.